Life. Every day we are faced with situations whereby we are angered, frustrated, hurt and sometimes ready to give up on this precious thing called life. But we don’t, we continue on to fight another day, face another challenge because that is what life is all about. Healing from such situations is a major part of life and that is why it is today’s topic of discussion. Whether it be healing from a breakup, from a broken friendship or from the death of a loved one, at some point in time we all have to encounter that hurt and ultimately heal ourselves. So here are five ways that I hope can assist in your healing process.
Acceptance. This is the first step in the process because without accepting the situation for what it is, there is no moving forward. You must come to terms that this person is gone and may never return. Even though they might, it is best you tell yourself that they won’t, so that you will not give yourself false hope and indirectly wait around for their return. To accept the situation, we must firstly recognize that not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. They have come, they have served their purpose in your life and now it is time for you to recognize that lesson, learn and grow from the situation and become a better you for the next person that enters your life. The next step in acceptance is letting go. Too many times we hold on to the beautiful memories that person gave to us and there is nothing wrong with that as you will see later down on in this article. However, in holding on to those memories, we hold on to that person and in order to fulfill the step of acceptance, we must now let go.
“You were a beautiful time in my life, and if that’s all you’ll ever be then that’s okay. Not all art is destined to hang on the same walls forever” – K. Towne Jr.
Pray. Many a time, when we are going through traumatic situations we blame God. We quickly turn to our friends and family for help and relief. But that help and relief is only temporary and when that wears out we look up to the heavens as our last resort. However, asking God for guidance should NOT be our last resort. In fact, going to God should be our first resort. Take everything in prayer to Him and He will answer. Talk to Him about your feelings, tell Him what you want Him to do for you, and even ask questions. (Of course this step is more for persons who believe in higher beings, however, for those who do not, meditation is the alternative.) In life, there is only so much our fellow human beings can do for us. They can definitely help us a lot but without God, being able to fully heal, will never be an option.
One day at a time. Do not beat up yourself on the length of time you are taking to recover and most importantly do not compare yourself to your friends or family members who healed faster than you did. Your situation is unique and therefore your time frame will also be unique. Allow yourself to take as much time as necessary for you to fully reach to that point of healing. In taking it one day at a time, you may feel okay one day and the next day you feel like bawling your eyes out and that’s fine. Do not hold back any tears. Let the water flow because as each droplet caresses down your cheek and falls to the ground, it symbolizes your pain and anguish leaving you and just as those tears dry up from the ground, so will this time in your life. One day, you will look back on it and maybe laugh to yourself on how foolish you were for crying over this girl/ guy. Remember, each day will bring different emotions, so the most important thing to do is to allow yourself to feel each and every emotion and take it one step at a time. As the old saying goes “time heals everything” because it truly and utterly does, so Take. Your. Time.
Stay in the present. During these situations, we tend to look back and question if I had done this maybe…. Or if he/she was not so stubborn, this would not have happened. Now this is easier said than done, but consciously make an effort to refrain yourself from these thoughts because it will only be counterproductive. You going over past situations in your head and beating up yourself over your behaviour or their behaviour is useless. Why? Because that is in the PAST. There is no time machine invented…yet, to go back and change what has already been said and done. However, there is the present and you can control what goes on in the present and in these moments. Now, no one is saying to suppress your feelings, that is a definite NO! However, after going over the situation over and over, whether it be talking to a friend or going it over in your head, it becomes exhausting and begins to mentally drain you. The past is the past and now it is time to take control of the present and your future emotions.
Find beauty in the moment. In these moments we tend to scrutinize and pinpoint all the ways these persons wronged us. Now don’t get me wrong, highlight all the wrongs they did! Hell yeah! because it further propels you to recognize that these people aint shit and it actually does help in the healing process, because if we are to only pinpoint the good times, how is that really helping you in getting over the situation? .. EXACTLY. However, as your healing progresses, there is no harm in recognizing the great moments, the laughs and the cries, the stressful moments and the de-stressing events that you all shared. All of it comes together and you do realise that they were indeed a beautiful time in your life. However, it was just a time and that time has now gone and the time has come for you to move on.
That brings the five steps to healing to a close. Of course this is not a finite list, but I do hope these steps can help you in some part of your life. Feel free to comment ways that have assisted in your healing process. Till next time, be good to yourselves.
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